The Common Man's Politics

Now it's time for a little humor. These are few debate conditions that Bush couldn't get through, but really tried.

• His most excellent and honorable President Bush shall be addressed as his highness the magnificent Bush. Kerry can be addressed as Kerry or Flipper.
  
• Moderators must "mistakenly" refer to Kerry as "Mr. McGovern" or "Mr. Dukakis" at least three times, and let out a "Dean scream" when they "catch" the "mistake."
  
• Two foot platform for his highness the magnificent Bush, Kerry must not be allowed to wear shoes and the floor beneath him must be inclined by a foot.
  
• Crucifix on his highness the magnificent Bush's podium, pentagram on Kerry's podium.
  
• Heater blowing in Mr. Kerry's direction (make him sweat, and no water available).
  
• Lights over podiums with a crucifix will be brighter.
  
• No moderator or Mr. Kerry will look his highness the magnificent Bush in the eyes.
  
• Only the following questions will be asked of the candidates:
  
  
  
  • What is your experience standing on a pile of ruble resulting from the collapse of two identical towers that were 100 stories high?
    
  • How does it feel being so strong and steady in the Oval Office (or whatever smaller office you may have)?
    
  • What have you done for the people of Texas, especially in light of what Massachusetts has done to it?
    
  • Please describe your last five positions on Iraq.
    
  • What is it like watching an "Armadilla" being chased by your dog (assuming you have a dog who chases Armadillas)?
    
  • As Commander in Chief, will you be as great as the 43rd President was?
    
  • How many French citizens support you?
    
  • How many terrorists have you killed, er um, eliminated?
    
  • What do you say to the traitors of America who speak against the war?
    
  • Why are taxes so damn high for people earning over $200,000/year?
    
  • Isn't it great that the economy is doing so well, or are you a doomsday pessimist?
    
  • Deficits don't really matter (no need to answer, we all know it's true).
    
  • Since God is the only real voter in this election, tell us which Methodist Church you belong to.
    
  • How many Band-Aids does it take to earn a Purple Hart?
    
  • Is it un-American to challenge a sitting President in war time, or just a rude power grab?
    
  • Mr. Kerry, what was discussed at the last Al Qaeda meeting? Your highness the magnificent Bush, what are you going to do about that?
    
  
  
• Media will be required to declare God's choice the winner of the debate (hint hint: God doesn't like change).
  
• A map of the United States, colored in all red with only Massachusetts blue, will be displayed behind the candidates.
  

The supporters of the Iraq war often say it is "the central front in the war on terror," and "we're bringing the fight to them instead of waiting for them to come to us." How many of you out there have thought about these statements closely? What is really being said here?

Let's be clear. What they are saying is that the Iraqi citizenry, along with our brave men and women of the US military, are the sacrificial lambs, the human body shield, for America. The argument is that if we go into a population of Arabs and incite anger among them then that area becomes the "fly trap" for terrorists. Thus distracting terrorists from American soil targets. It may be working, but at what cost? And will it work in the long run? Or is it just a stay of execution? And if so, what's the real long term plan being rolled out during the stay?

Among the so-called "Axis of Evil" countries (and including Saudi Arabia), Iraq had the least amount of produced terrorists. In fact, I can't think of one single known and wanted terrorist who was an Iraqi national prior to our invasion. Whatever terrorism efforts Saddam may or may not have supported, it is certainly minuscule compared to the amount of terrorists rolling out of Saudi Arabia. And there simply is no evidence what-so-ever that there was any significant terrorist faction of Iraq citizens (not even against Saddam!) prior to our attack.

Nearly 15,000 innocent Iraqi civilians have died at the mercy of American and insurgent bombs and bullets since our attack. They gave their lives because we wanted a human shield against terrorists from other nations. Think about that the next time you wonder why there is an insurgency there. Also, 10 years from now when we're wondering why they hate us, think about The Central Front in the War on Terror. The price we've paid for that front is in innocent Iraq lives, American lives, and the respect and admiration of the greatest democracy in history.

Iraq Body Count

The time has come to stop pretending you're running against Gentlemen. These are no Gentlemen. You are running against a criminal cartel, and you need to treat them as such. The media, needing a close race to boost their ratings, will not help you here. This is up to you. Go for the jugular. Expose the crimes and scandals of this illegally installed regime. These people have no respect for democracy, and no intention of preserving our Constitution. Start telling the people about the crony capitalism, the war profiteering, the close Saudi relationship, the punishing of disloyal administration officials, the corporatising of Iraq (the true reason for the insurgency), the encouragement of Christian missionaries in Iraq (giving the feeling of a crusade), using government agencies to cook statistics to promote a false sense of success, politically timed terror alerts, voting disenfranchisement, dangerous electronic voting machines, looting the public treasury, and the looming end of democracy these scandals will undoubtedly lead to.

Come on Kerry, there is so much you could be exposing here. You could keep the Bush campaign on the defensive from now until Election Day. What are you waiting for? Don't worry about being a centrist (Bush isn't). Just expose these guys and voters will go for you (other than the extreme right wingers). And please, don't mince words. BE DIRECT about this stuff.

Tell people in no uncertain terms that if you vote Bush this year than Democracy dies. After all, they have no problem telling voters that people will die if they vote for you. Strike back hard. This is your last chance. Make us proud like you did when you said, "These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen. It's scary."

Pull an all nighter tonight and read "What Would Jefferson Do" by Thom Hartmann. Use the ideas in this book to start promoting a new revolution that will bring America back to the people.

Get hungry Kerry, taste the Oval Office and go get it. Stop holding back. They aren't holding back, and people are seeing you hold back and seeing it as weakness. You are not weak, so start fighting!